Unrequited
by marysverse
Summary: A glimpse into the complex mind of Clark Kent and the secrets he hides there.


A/N: Hey guys! This is a little Chlarkie obsession that popped into my head. Hope you enjoy and please review!

I tried not to come too her too often. I had tried to stay away forever, but in that respect, I had no strength. Steeling myself against seeing her, I paused at the doors of her domain, willing my pulse to stop its excited frenzy and forcing the eager smile that threatened to break my face to dim.

Really, a girl I had known for so long shouldn't have this effect on me, ever since our first kiss full of youthful innocence. But it had taken me a long time to recognize my reaction to her for what it truly was. And by then, I was too far entrenched in the destiny set for me. A destiny that would never allow me to have the one thing in this world I would do anything for.

Softly swinging the double doors open, I scanned for her familiar figure. My eyes fell upon her shining gold curls at her usual place, but she wasn't alone. The tall figure of Oliver Queen was pressed against her side as they studied the monitor, though Oliver's eyes strayed more to her face than the screen. He had his tanned arm draped unnecessarily over her shoulders.

An angry tick started an erratic beat at my jaw line and I pulled in a few slow deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. I had survived every single one of her relationships; I could survive this new budding one.

It's not like I could even expect her to not be with other people, I was with Lois after all. Lois had started off being a light cover, someone I could flirt with, maybe casually date, so no one, especially the psychopaths that ran rampant everywhere I turned, would ever suspect that my real weakness was Chloe. I couldn't see straight just thinking about anyone exploiting her because of me, of hurting her in any way.

But now Zod was showing interest in Lois and I knew I had to commit more fully to the farce. I was well aware that Zod's interest in Lois was her connection to me and as long as his attention was highlighted on her and not my real love, I would maintain the fallacy for as long as it took.

Somewhere a part of me recognized that it was wrong to use Lois as a decoy, but it just didn't matter when it came to Chloe. And I would do everything in my power to prevent Lois from getting hurt, but if she did, I could live with it. I'd be able to function, to move on. But the prospect of Chloe being in Lois' position, with Zod crawling all over her, trying to study the best way to use her to manipulate me; just thinking about it made me want to strangle the life out of him.

That was another problem about this. Chloe believed so strongly in me as the hero, as the one who would put the whole world before anyone else. Or at least she used to, before… . But I'm not that guy, not with her. She has been stressed out about Lois' glimpse into her future, about her fate. I wanted to laugh at her and tell her she was being ridiculous. That no way would that ever happen. No way would I leave her to fend for herself. I don't know why Lois saw what she saw, but nothing on this earth or beyond would make me allow that to happen. The sun, the human race, this planet, all of them be damned. A choice between them and her was no choice at all, it would be her every time.

The universe had a pretty sick sense of humor, making her think the love she once had for me was unrequited. Sometimes, I have this overwhelming need to tell her, just so she knows. I know the chance of her feeling the same way about me is impossible. There is no way she could ever understand how much…what she is… . There is no way to explain it, she just is, everything. But it is getting harder to pretend.

There were many things that I cursed about this situation, one of them being that I couldn't even be mad at Oliver. I couldn't just haul off and punch him, threaten him with bloody violence if he ever touched her again.

Like now, while he is pulling a lock of her hair out of her face, while he is looking at her with eyes dark with desire and a playful grin on his face. Now would be a great time to be able to hit him. Maybe smash that jaw apart so he can't ever smile like that again.

But I can't because no one knows. No one knows how I really felt about her. No one knows that I secretly watched her sleep sometimes in the dead of night, just to ease some of the aching inside me and to reassure myself that she was okay. Fate must find it really funny to have me fall for a girl that trouble looked for. No one knows that in my dreams I have lived thousands of lives with her, lifetimes of bliss in her arms that will never be actualized.

No one knows of the tight leash I have to keep on my body and my emotions whenever she is around, nor of the beast I have to tame when I have to see her with one of her paramours. No one knows but me the depths of Chloe Sullivan that is entrenched in me. And no one will ever know.

Unrequited love… if only she knew. A small bitter chuckle bubbles out of me and they fix their gaze on me.

"What's the joke?" She asks me, surprise at my presence etched on her face. She stands there with lips that beg to be ravaged, hair that would curl perfectly around my fingers as I entwined my fingers in it and hips that were made to have my hands on; and she asks me what's the joke?

I force out my carefully cultivated distant smile that took me forever to master around her and move forward towards them, rattling off the current crisis I used as another excuse to see her. I played my part to the tee.


End file.
